Blogmas: Mental Health Diary – The Ugly Truth

This is a hard post of me to write. You all know me well as the girl behind Doraward that is always happy and funny, but the truth is I am far from that happy girl. In the last few weeks I’ve discovered a whole new black hole in my mental health world called anxiety that is much deeper and wider than ever before. I needed a break from everything. Now I’m lying on my couch in so much pain in my stomach I can’t even eat. Here’s what you missed.

I was eating breakfast when it hit me badly. I suffered another anxiety attack so that was about fourth in two or three weeks. Later I got sick, vomited, and started with my black hole thoughts as I call them. Seeing my therapist has done nothing much so far, I tried the STOPP exercise but it didn’t really work. I couldn’t eat because of the pain. All that was left for me to do was lay in bed as I usually intend to do. Yes indeed, my stomach doesn’t stop hurting for a week.

I felt like my parents and friends have too much work dealing with my problems every time when anxiety hits, I felt dizzy, like no one really cares or understands.

I was in panic, didn’t know what to do. Crying a few days feeling shitty, I didn’t have a clue how to establish a fine health again. But one thing was and is for sure. Knowing I can’t go on like this, I am starting a new search for a great therapist around Slovenia (so if you know someone, let me know in the comments). I also quit my job for the moment and it broke my heart. You know how I loved to work as a brand ambassador, but with this health, I really can not proceed working and being sick every two weeks.

What I know is I must do a progress in my health “department”, with or without anyone. I need a good therapist and a lot of work to be done. Also I thought of really quitting this blog, but I can’t. This is like the only place where I can talk with an open-heart.

How are you feeling this time of the month? Thinking of you, my dear readers.

Love, M.